You Can’t Move On Until You Tell Yourself a Different Story

 

Stop ruminating on the old and embrace a new reality.

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash

Most people believe that with enough time, they’ll be able to let go of the past and move on to a better future. Yet here you are — years after the fact — and you’re still ruminating on what happened, reciting the same old stories in your head and not moving forward.

The truth is, you can let go and move on at any time. There is no appropriate length of time to wait. But letting go and moving on is difficult because you’re required to give up the certainty of your old story and embrace the uncertainty of a new one. Life is short, and that old story doesn’t have a place in your life anymore. Life is calling you forward, but you continue to hold on to a past that no longer serves you. There’s a verse in the Old Testament book of Isaiah that says:

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” — Isaiah 43:18–19, NIV

For most people, the answer is no — they don’t perceive the new future life/God/the Universe is trying to hand them. Why? Because all your energy goes into holding on to your old story. You fight against embracing a new story because your identity is inextricably linked to your old story.

Your identity is the story you tell yourself about who you are. To let go of your old story feels like a betrayal, doesn’t it? That’s because it is. You have to accept your old story was right for you at one point, but based on your new circumstances, that old story is now holding you back.

We hold onto old stories because they’re comfortable. You ruminate on them because you’re stuck in how you think things should be. You obsess over the relationship that should have worked, the job offer that should have come through, or the startup that should have been successful. But the past is dead, and life is trying to get you to let cut the dead weight and sail on.

Life…is continually shedding something that wants to die. — Friedrich Nietzsche

How do you consciously let go of your old story and build a new one? There at many ways. But the easiest way I’ve found is through reading. Read about the lives of other men and women who’ve faced and overcome challenges. Many of the most admired people in history had lives that were far worse than you can imagine. Reading about other people gives you perspective. It also shows you someone else could take the hand God/the Universe/Fate dealt you and win with it. What’s your excuse?

Do not think that what is hard for you to master is humanly impossible; and if it is humanly possible, consider it to be within your reach. — Marcus Aurelius

When you expose yourself to other stories, you get permission to rewrite yours. That’s a powerful position. You can see how other people faced obstacles and even let their beliefs and identity shape yours. You don’t need to imitate other people, but use their story as evidence you can change and grow.

You do not need anyone’s permission to move on. All you need is the courage to embody a new story and the new possibilities that come with it. You can change today.

All it takes is a decision, and an unwillingness to go back to the way things were. Let go and embrace discomfort until you stop repeating those olds stories in your head.