A list of traits that people don’t realise are #ActuallyAutistic

Photo by Alina Scheck on Unsplash

The media portrays autism narrowly or incorrectly

I wasn’t diagnosed as autistic until age 41 in 2021. What I thought was autism was the stereotype you see in the media of the non-speaking rocking and hand-flapping white boy, or the incorrect stereotypes such as Rainman (actually a savant), and the stereotypes I didn’t relate to such as the unempathetic and emotionless Dr Shaun Murphy in The Good Doctor.

I just didn’t see myself in any of these portrayals. I am a woman, I had friends, I had an excess of empathy, and I had a successful career as a people manager. I didn’t see myself in the media’s representations of autistic people, so it never crossed my mind that I might have been autistic. It also doesn’t help that many of the portrayals of autism in the media is how it looks to neurotypical people, not how it feels to experience it as an autistic person.

Since my diagnosis I have done extensive research into autism. I’ve read the DSM-5 on autism, I’ve read articles by neurotypical psychologists and books by autistic authors, watched TV shows with #ActuallyAutistic actors, and have connected with autistic friends and other autistic content creators on social media. And what I know now about autism is very different to what I knew a few years ago.

Things I experience that I didn’t realise were autistic traits

• Feeling uncomfortable or anxious when meeting new people
• Having to maintain a list of mental “scripts” to use when making small talk because you find it both incredibly hard and boring to engage in
• Not enjoying hugging people, kissing on the cheek, or shaking hands when you greet someone
• Needing to wear headphones every time you leave the house because it feels better to listen to music than hear all the noises around you
• Finding sounds getting louder when you’re tired or stressed (e.g. you have to turn the TV down as the night goes on for seemingly no good reason
• Feeling a short sense of rage when there’s a sudden loud noise
• Certain noises causing physical pain (e.g. nails on a chalkboard, whistling)
• Finding certain colours or colour combinations uncomfortable or painful to look at
• Having an aversion to certain fabric textures (e.g. velvet, microfibre, wool, polyester, neoprene)
• Cutting tags out of your clothes because they are itchy and annoying and make you mad
• Having to change into more comfortable clothes because they don’t “feel right” or you might get frustrated or upset (indeed I had to change my t-shirt three times while writing this article)
• Textures of certain foods making you gag (e.g. over-ripe bananas, pudding, jelly, yoghurt)
• Some flavours of food making you feel physically ill to the point that just thinking about that food makes you feel ill (e.g. lamb, bacon, mushroom, seafood, fish, liquorice)
• Feeling exhausted after you go to the shops or to a party and needing to have a lie down somewhere quiet
• Having an “extended sit” or chill-out break in the bathroom at parties
• Preferring to hang out with kids or pets at social events
• Enjoying sitting at a café or restaurant window and people-watching
• Only wanting to go to your regular supermarket because not knowing where things are on the shelves makes you extremely frustrated or upset
• Having people describe you as “quirky”, “eccentric” or “weird”
• Feeling like people often don’t laugh at your jokes, but instead seem to laugh more at things you’ve said when you’re being serious
• Finding yourself in a disagreement or fight with someone and not understanding how it happened or what it’s about
• Getting feedback at work about being too blunt or people taking issue with your “tone”

Note: Experiencing one or a few of these traits does not mean you are autistic, but if you relate to most or all of this list and have had these experiences from birth you are very likely autistic. You may also be autistic and not experience some or all of these things, as autism is a spectrum after all.

I believe autism is a sensory disorder spectrum

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but gives you a flavour of what the autism spectrum actually can be instead of just what is portrayed in the media. It’s very clear to me that my brain just processes information differently to neurotypical people, and at its core autism is a sensory disorder and it’s a spectrum.

Some autistic people are hyposensitive and some are hypersensitive, and many can be simultaneously hyposensitive and hypersensitive. I can’t handle someone gently touching my skin but I love bear hugs. I can’t cope with faint repetitive noises but I love to go to a techno rave. I will need a double or triple dose of anaesthesia when I go to the dentist but I can dislocate a toe and not realise I’ve done it.

I suspect how our sensory systems work is what also impacts our communication with neurotypical people. I also have combined-type ADHD — indeed up to 78% of autistic people also have co-occurring ADHD. Many people with ADHD also experience the sensory issues I listed above, but that is because they also are undiagnosed autistic (note: the DSM-5 only speaks about the above sensory issues in relation to autism, not with ADHD, and until 2013 psychologists were not allowed to diagnose someone with both). For me, it feels like my nervous system is set to 11, and at any time I’m processing an overwhelming amount of stimuli and detail which means I miss social cues and hidden meanings. It also feels like I am hyposensitive to certain social norms and expectations.

When everyone understands autism everyone can lead better lives

I’ve always considered myself sensitive and emotional, I often struggled in social situations, I had a lot of anxiety, and I was constantly exhausted. But I was always led to believe by my family that my experience of the world was “normal” — because they were also autistic and experienced the world in a similar way. I was also gaslit by friends, partners and medical professionals that I was exaggerating, or being dramatic or sensitive because they also did not know what autism was. So it’s no surprise that I wasn’t diagnosed as autistic until I was in my forties.

When more people understand what autism feels like and how autistic people experience the world, more autistic people will self-identify and seek diagnoses. Neurotypical people will be more compassionate and understanding to the needs and experiences of autistic people. Communication challenges will be overcome and both autistic and neurotypical people will be able to lead more rich and fulfilling social lives together. And ultimately, more autistic people will be able to understand their experience of the world and live a life that is authentic and appropriate to their sensory needs.

Am I autistic? What do I do now?

If this article leaves you wondering if you might be autistic, I suggest your next steps are doing your own research and self-reflection. Unfortunately the medical professional at large still has an outdated understanding of autism and it’s very common for autistic women and those affected by white supremacy to either be dismissed or misdiagnosed with things such as Generalised Anxiety Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder.